she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
