just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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