If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
