I don't think brook has ever known best
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
