You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
