I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
false alarm, still single
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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