let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
