Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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