chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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