my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
