You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
