Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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