that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
