I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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