Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
