Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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