***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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