I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
