he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
