I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
