god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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