two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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