omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
