You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
