did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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