Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
