So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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