he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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