someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
