Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
