I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
