hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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