She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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