I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
