just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
