tell your sister to shave her snatch
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize