before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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