Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she peed on how many people?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
