Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
