Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
