just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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