The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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