He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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