I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
