Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
