I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
