i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
