I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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