swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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