When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I supernannyed him into submission
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
