Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize