we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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