Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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