This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
