i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
