i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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