Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize