There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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