She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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