i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
