the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
