My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
