I just made out with a guy for $7.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
