he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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