My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
