Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
