Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
