You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
